be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
