The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
