I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if only i could text you this smell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
