so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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