Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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