Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
