just come out here and I will go home with you...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
