i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
