u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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