Ambien. No doubt about it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
