Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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