From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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