i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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