community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
