Do you still have your period?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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