I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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