So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
