Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
