shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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