Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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