Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
