I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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