You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
