His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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