and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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