Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
