Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
