so let's talk penis.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
