god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
