a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
