why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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