once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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