i think my tv is drunk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
