just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
