you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
