I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
