He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
