dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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