drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
