she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
