got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
