5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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