im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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