this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
