ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
