She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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