Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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