Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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