last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
