Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
