I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
