Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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