I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
