6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
